13. Halloween

September 26, 2020 ~ Nicole Smeltzer ~ Leave a comment

The girls are in their costumes, ready to trick-or-treat.

Chrissy: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I am so excited! A girl at school told me our neighborhood has the best candy.

Charlotte: Wew, duyuh no wha a guh ah shuhl tollme?

Chrissy: Huh?

Charlotte removes her plastic vampire teeth.

Charlotte: Do you know what a girl at school told ME?

Ashley: No, what?

Charlotte: Our house is haunted!

The girls look shocked, imitating Ashley's Scream mask.

Chrissy: What exactly did she say?

Charlotte: It's haunted by the ghost of a little boy who lived there a long time ago. The house was vacant for years after he died, but people could sometimes see a shadowy figure looking out the window...

Ashley: How sad!

Chrissy: Oooo, I bet our room used to be his!

Charlotte: Halloween is when it's supposed to be easiest to talk to spirits...

Nicki: Don't be silly. There's no such thing as ghosts.

Some girls: Hey, Nicki, are you ready?

The sisters look shocked again.

Nicki: Yes! I'll be right there!

Nicki: I wasn't sure if they really meant it! ...Um, I'll see you guys later, okay?

Chrissy: What? Since when does she have friends?

Ashley, Chrissy, Charlotte and Tess continue to trick-or-treat.

Charlotte: You know, I don't really feel good... I think I better go home. You guys go on without me.

Chrissy: WHAT?! First Nicki, now you... what is going on tonight!

Chrissy looks suspicious.

Charlotte heads to the house alone.

Charlotte opens the door in the darkened house.

Charlotte steels herself.

Charlotte: Hello? Little ghost? Are you there? Can you hear me?

Charlotte waits.

KNOCK

Charlotte's eyes open wide.

Charlotte: H-h-h-hello?

Loud knocking continues through the hallway.

The knocking seems to be coming from Charlotte and Chrissy's bedroom.

A suspiciously Chrissy-shaped shadow knocks at the window in the bedroom.

Charlotte's hair stands on end.

BAM!

Charlotte: THE GHOST!

Nicki: Oh, sorry Charlotte. I didn't know you were there!

Charlotte turns on the light. Nicki is covered in raw eggs and toilet paper. "Nicki! Oh, no! What happened?"

Nicki: I don't want to talk about it. I just..."

Nicki screams: I HATE IT HERE! I HATE IT!

Charlotte stares sadly after Nicki as she leaves.

Chrissy throws open the front door shouting BOO!

Charlotte startles.

Chrissy laughs madly.

12. Greetings from Florida

September 19, 2020 ~ Nicole Smeltzer ~ 2 Comments

Dad and the girls are in a canoe in a swamp.
Dad: Isn't this fun?

Nicki: Daddy, it's hot.
Charlotte: The bugs keep biting me.

Ashley: My arms are tired.
Chrissy: There is a freaking alligator over there!

Alligator

Dad: Can you believe it's October? Wouldn't we doing this in Massachusetts this time of year, would we?

Ashley: My arms are going to fall off.
Nicki: Daddy, I'm getting a sunburn.
Charlotte: It's so itchy!
Chrissy: It's probably going to eat us all for dinner!

Dad: We ought to send a postcard to our friends back in Mass. "Sunny and warm here in Florida! Wish you were here!" Ha! They'd love that!

A mosquito buzzes in Charlotte's ear.

The girls: "Dear friends, Our father has taken us into a swamp. We might die of exposure. We're losing energy and hope. The mosquitoes are sucking us dry. And we're gonna get eaten by a freakin' alligator."

Dad: "Love, you ol' sun-kissed pals!" They'll love it!

11. Getting Crabby

September 12, 2020 ~ Nicole Smeltzer ~ 2 Comments

The girls are inside, playing Boggle in the living room.

SCRITCH

Nicki: Did you hear that?

Chrissy: Shhh! Stop trying to break my concentration.

Nicki: No, I'm serious. It sounds like something's at the door...

The girls all listen.

SCRITCH SCRITCH

Ashley jumps up. "Oh, maybe it's a little lost puppy!"

Chrissy: NO! Don't open it! It's probably a giant cockroach!

Mom: Palmetto bug!

Ashley opens the door, her eyes popping out of her head.

The rest of the girls peek through the doorway behind her.

A large blue land crab sits on the welcome mat, waving its claws aggressively.

The girls slam the door closed.

The girls stand on the couch, screaming.

Mom: What NOW?

The girls point at the front door.

Mom looks annoyed.

Mom opens the front door.

The crab is still there. And the front yard is crawling with more land crabs.

Mom slams the door closed.

Mom takes a deep breath at the doorway.

The girls peer up at Mom.

Chrissy: WELL?

Mom: Take the broom if you're going to go outside.

The girls looks dubious/sad as they realize this is their new Florida life.

6. New Everythings

August 10, 2020 ~ Nicole Smeltzer ~ 7 Comments

The family sits at the table eating dinner. Mom and Dad look content. The children look astonished.

Chrissy: But WHY are we moving?

Dad: Because I got a new job.

Nicki: ...but why?

Dad: It's a better opportunity

Ashley: but why Florida?

Mom, winking and ruffling Ashley's hair: You'll love it!

Charlotte: But what about.... everything?

Fuzzy collage of memories from living in Massachusetts

Dad: You'll make new everythings.

The girls eat their dinner glumly. Chrissy looks thoughtful and plotting.

Chrissy: The new house will be bigger, right?

Dad: Yup!

Chrissy: So will I get my own room?!

Dad: I'm afraid not. The new house will have 4 bedrooms.

Chrissy does math in her head.

Chrissy: But that's enough! You and Mom will share a room. Then the 2 oldest and the 2 youngest will each share a room; that's fair. And then I get my own!

Dad: Nooooo....

Chrissy: That's not fair! Why does Nicki get her own room? She always gets everything!

Dad: No, not Nicki. The baby will get her own room.

Chrissy: Tess. Tess gets her own room. Are you kidding me?

Dad: Trust me, NO ONE wants to share a room with a baby, least of all me. This move can't come soon enough.

The family returns to their dinner. Chrissy sticks her tongue out at Tess from across the table. Tess blissfully, messily eats her spaghetti.

5. Are We Out of the Woods Yet

August 3, 2020August 2, 2020 ~ Nicole Smeltzer ~ 4 Comments

Mom, holding a box of winter clothes: Come here, girls! Let's see who fits into what this year!

The girls start pulling clothes from the box.

Charlotte, holding a jacket that fits: Sigh... Another year, another broken zipper.

Ashley holds up a pair of patched overalls

Nicki: Hush! We all wear hand-me-downs, even me. Don't complain.

Charlotte: Yes, but mine are hand-me-downs of hand-me-downs of hand-me-downs of--

Nicki: Okay! We get it.

Ashley holds up an ugly dress: Hey, they aren't ALL hand-me-downs.

Chrissy, wearing one of the ugly matching dresses: Yeah, just be glad Mom doesn't sew ALL our clothes. (Mom sticks her tongue out at the girls in the background.)

Map of the woods behind the house.

The girls play on a frozen pond.

The girls cross a rickety bridge

Nicki: Okay Chrissy, Charlotte... this is your half of the woods today. Don't go past the second creek.

Chrissy: That's not fair! Why can't we come with your guys?

You guys are too little. We're exploring a new section of the woods today. It could be dangerous.

Ashley: We thinks we found a way to the old pumpkin patch!

Nicki gives Ashley a silencing look.

Chrissy and Charlotte watch their sisters walk away.

Chrissy: FINE. I have a better idea. Let's go find Duck Island.

Charlotte: But that's beyond the second creek! Nicki will get mad!

Chrissy: Charlotte. It's not a big deal. Nicki isn't the boss of us. And they're going in the opposite direction anyway. C'mon!

Chrissy and Charlotte drudge through the snow.

They cross the second creek.

They go deeper into the woods

And deeper

And deeper...

A few hours later, Mom is in the kitchen baking cookies. Ashley sits at the kitchen table eating cookies.

Mom, on the phone: Oh my goodness! Yes, yes, of course! I'll be there in 2 minutes!

Mom: Ashley, did you know your sisters were 2 miles away! That was Mrs. Thibeault. She found them crying in her backyard.

Mom puts on her coat. "I cannot believe this. Didn't I ask you girls to keep an eye on your sisters?

Mom sticks a winter hat on the baby. "Didn't I tell you two not to let them wander off??"

Mom: And just where IS Nicki, anyway?

Ashley: Oh, shoot! I totally forgot!

Nicki hangs from a log above an icy river, looking terrified.

Mom: Oh, you girls are in BIG trouble when I get home.

That evening, the girls have been sent to their room. They glare at each other from their beds.

Nicki: I told you to stay in your half of the woods.

Chrissy: Well, it's not fair! Why should we have to do what you say all the time?

Nicki: Because I am the first-born.

Chrissy: THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!

Nicki: It means I am the smartest!

Chrissy: Nuh-uh! First is the worst!

Ashley chimes in: Second is the best!

Charlotte, pointing at Chrissy: Third is the one with the hair chest!

Chrissy: TREASURE chest!

Chrissy, shouting: AND FOURTH IS THE ONE WHO FORGOT TO GET DRESSED!

Nicki, burying her face into her pillow. "UGH!"

Dad appears at the door. "Quiet! I don't want to hear any more talking, shouting, or singing. Just quiet.

The girls looks miserable.

Ashley whispers to her stuffed dog toy: Second is the best!

4. Pirate Life

July 29, 2020July 29, 2020 ~ Nicole Smeltzer ~ 4 Comments

The 4 sisters appear as pirates on two opposing ships. Ashley has Chrissy at the plank with a sword to her back. She calls to Nicki: "Surrender your booty or your sister gets it!

Chrissy: I get the treasure?!

Ashley: No, dummy! You get the PLANK!

Chrissy screams as she plummets into the sea.

Meanwhile in the living room... bits of ceiling fall on Mom's head as a loud BAM! sound comes from the floor above.

Nicki: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! My fair Christine!

Nicki dives into the sea.

Another loud BAM. Mom looks up at the ceiling, annoyed.

Nicki swims to Chrissy. Chrissy: But Nicki! What about the treasure?

Nicki puts a lifesaver around Chrissy. Nicki: You are my greatest treasure, you fool!

Charlotte watches from a cannon. Charlotte: How touching! You've finally realized what's most important. Alas, now you must... DIE!"

Charlotte lights a match. "Ready on your mark, Ashley!"

Ashley: Aww, c'mon Charlie... I told you to call me Captain Eagle Eye.

Charlotte: CHARLIE?! Didn't I tell YOU to call me--

Chrissy: Oh, not this again. If they're going to kill us, I hope they hurry up.

Ashley: Well. Let's not keep them waiting, Charlotte.

Charlotte: Aye aye, Eagle-Eye!

BOOM

As Nicki and Chrissy scream, someone clears their throat from off-panel.

Mom looks into the girls' bedroom. Nicki and Chrissy are playing on the floor in a pile of pillows. Ashley and Charlotte are lobbing a pillow at them from atop a bunk bed.

Mom: Stop jumping off the beds! You'll wake the baby!

Mom frowns at the girls from the door.

Mom exits.

Ashley: All clear! Let's get 'em!

Ashley and Charlotte scream aa they plummet into the sea.

A baby's cry fills the air. Chrissy: Uh-oh.

Nicki: I'll go get her!

Chrissy calls after Nicki as she leaves: What? You're abandoning me? What happened to "You are my greatest treasure"??

Ashley and Charlotte move in to attack Chrissy. Chrissy: NICKI, I HOPE YOU GET SCURVY!

2. The Littlest Sister

July 20, 2020 ~ Nicole Smeltzer ~ 3 Comments

Caption: Nine months later...

The five sisters sit on the floor playing with the baby.

Nicki to baby Tess: You're so cute Tallulah!

Chrissy to Nicki: You can't just call her whatever name you want.

Nicki: But Tallulah is so much better than Tess!

Charlotte: We should have held a vote.

Ashley: Tess is a good name...

Nicki: But NOT as good as Tallulah.

(Chrissy screams)

Chrissy, pointing to Tess: She bit me! She BIT me!!

Nicki cuddles Tess. Chrissy: UGH! You little bloodsucker. They should have named you TICK.

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